Battle of the Parents

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I really do envy the parents who, when they split up, they are able to come to a workable agreement on custody, child support and boundaries. I thought that my ex-partner and I had that sort of relationship when we separated. We had a plan, Master A would live with me, and stay with his dad every 2nd weekend.

Well, as we all know, things don't always go to plan. Especially when there are men involved!

Nine months down the track and we have done one round of mediation (Family Dispute Resolution) and we are about to head into our second... in separate rooms. What happened, you ask? The truth is I really have no idea. My ex seems to be very influenced by the 'other' women in his life. His mother, his girlfriend, friends. They are all very quick to tell him how unreasonable I am being, and how it is his right to have his son when he wants him.

Upon meeting with lawyers at Legal Aid last week, I was in fact informed of the following: the court does not take into account the rights of the mother or father, only the right of the child to have access to both parents.

I am all for that. Master A loves his dad, and I love that his dad wants a part in his life. There are some children out there who have never met their father, and that saddens me. They are missing out on so much. I am not, however, up for giving in whenever he wants to change something. I feel that what was discussed in our very heated mediation sessions is being completely ignored on his part.

After my ex moved for the 3rd time in 7 months, I stopped overnight visits until he finds somewhere he will stay and settle in. Some people may think that this is unfair, but I am simply trying to create a stable environment for my son. If Daddy is in a new house every few months, it starts to take it's toll on them after a while. After agreeing to this change, he has now started to kick up a huge fuss and actually threatened not to bring him home. He is still at his dads through the day, three days a fortnight, he only brings him home to sleep.

When the girlfriend came on the scene, I was concerned about the time Master A was getting one-on-one with dad. She has a child, and I was worried Munchkin would always have to share his Daddy (I will add that Master A was introduced to them right from the start, there was no buffer time to get used to the idea, which was his choice). We implemented a rule that one day a fortnight (the same day each time) it would be just Daddy-Munchkin day. I can not remember the last time that actually happened.

I am certainly not innocent in all of this either. Sometimes I can be a little spiteful. "Oh what was that? You want to have him on Thursdays instead of Tuesdays? Why should I bow down to your wishes? No, it can stay as it is." I am trying my absolute hardest to come out of that way of thinking, and be a little more cooperative. That said, it is a 2 way street. I don't want to be doing all the giving.

Parenting is supposed to be a partnership. Even when you have separated. Anything less than that and you are simply hurting the child. Keep the adult conversations to the adults, and come to an agreement on what is best for the child, not yourselves. Unfortunately while I am trying to the right thing by my son, my ex thinks I am doing it just to piss him off. and so he resists.

I am at a stand still now. Neither of us want to budge. My ex thinks he's doing the thing by Master A, by saying "it is right for him to spend more time with his dad", although when I offered an extra day, it was not the time he wanted, so he said "no!"

I am feeling like the bad guy, and a bad Mum for keeping Master A from his dad. All I can hope is that it all gets sorted quickly, For Munchkin's sake.